Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
