Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
