yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
