Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
