He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
