I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
