I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
