I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
