I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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