I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
