He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
