I'm so fucking centered right now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
