today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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