i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Blood and glitter go together right?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
