vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
