I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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