and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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