How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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