After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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