Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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