I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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