You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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