i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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