these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
