I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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