fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
