Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I understand Curling. That high.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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