I cannot find my penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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