whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
