Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
