If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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