I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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