I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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