I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize