so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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