That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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