so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that's an acceptable place to lick
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
