Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
