why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
