Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
