I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
