The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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