The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
