Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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