Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
