I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
