So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
