Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
