Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
