I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
