I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
