it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
