I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
