eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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