i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
