If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
