im gay
i know
yea but for you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You have to summon your inner elephant
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
