I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
