This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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