Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
