Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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