His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
