someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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