I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
