Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
