Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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