I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
