Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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