all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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